Just because no one witnessed the suffering doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
Vulnerability takes enormous amount of strength. And I have so much respect for those that share it. It’s something I continue to work on each day, reflecting on all of the experiences that influenced how I show up every day.
I’ve been told all my life “But you’re so strong! It couldn’t have happened to you.” But what they haven’t seen are all of the days and nights I’ve prayed to no longer exist. All of the nights I didn’t feel strong enough. All of the nights I questioned what I did to deserve the things that happened to me. And yet, on the outside I found myself making it seem like the things that happened didn’t hurt when it hurt like hell. How much healing was required in solitude for me to enjoy the peace & strength I have today.
As I reflect on this, inevitably I’m taken back to my childhood where I was made to feel like the things that hurt me didn’t deserve to be expressed. That I needed to shut up and deal with it on my own quietly. I didn’t know back then that these experiences would affect me in profound ways and how I connect with the world around me. I didn’t deserve those experiences, and yet I felt like my voice didn’t matter.
In order to break free, you have to peel back the layers and get to the root cause. For me, it meant going back to that child version of myself and giving her the love and protection she needed to feel safe. To tell her she didn’t deserve the things that happened to her.
❤️🩹 That her voice matters.
❤️🩹 That she is heard.
❤️🩹 That she is loved and will always be protected.
❤️🩹 That she deserves to be defended.
As humans, we need to feel emotionally and physically safe. And while we’re capable of doing that on our own, it also creates a barrier to human connection. Something I’ve always struggled with.
I can’t help but wonder how many variations of these experiences shaped the world we live in today. And how different it could be otherwise.
If you can relate to this, I see you. And I send you love. You matter.