Remembering My Father

Today marks three years since my father's passing. I feel like each year since his departure has brought so much change, lessons, growth, and blessings. The past year has challenged me the greatest, but also allowed me to release all self-limiting beliefs and fears, and feel compassion and love for myself and others unconditionally. I finally understand the deeper meanings behind the life events that relentlessly brought me to my knees year-over-year for the past six years.

Today, I celebrated my father with a beautiful ceremony to heal all wounds and energies that no longer serves him. Although I've always felt his presence the past three years, today, it was extra special. Through the tears I was finally able to smile. To sense the freedom he felt, the lightness of his energy, the love... I am so grateful and honored to have had him as my father, now and forever.

Two years ago when I volunteered at a hospice organization, I felt strangely familiar and in my element when I was interacting with the dying and their loved ones, and the hospice organization relayed that message to me a number of times. At the time, I chalked it up to my own personal experiences in caring for my father, but looking back, it's no coincidence that this will now become a part of my life's work.

And as a tribute to my father, I'll always perform end-of-life ceremonies free of charge to those I'm fortunate enough to serve. Our final moments should not be met with fear and regrets, it should be met with eternal love, compassion, peace, and greater understanding. To feel supported in their journey back Home, without the weight of regrets and old wounds.

There's always beauty to be perceived if your hearts and minds are open to them, no matter how painful the literal circumstances may be. It can take time, as it did for me, and that's completely okay. Grief is a journey that is unique to each person and their personal circumstances. No one should feel ashamed, and there's certainly no time limits we should feel obligated to abide by.  It’s also important to recognize that caregivers often experience trauma associated with caring for a terminally ill loved one. For me, I was stricken with constant thoughts of “should’ve”, “could’ve”, and “what if’s”, as if the entire outcome was my fault- like I wasn’t good enough and I somehow failed him. So before passing judgement on others, keep in mind that these are deeply sensitive and personal emotions, and you just never know how someone is processing their grief after losing their loved ones under traumatic circumstances.  

The most important thing is recognizing that there are so many great organizations and healing modalities to explore, and there is no one-size-fits-all here. Explore what your hearts gravitate towards with an open mind and heart.

My life will never be the same going forward, but I wouldn't trade it for anything my past could ever offer. I may be starting from ground zero again, but I am finally at a place of peace, unconditional love, and harmony. And I am grateful to have finally found the true me, and a husband that stood by me unconditionally through it all.

Thank you dad. May you continue to rest in peace, until it's time for your soul to carry on to your next journey, wherever that may be. I look forward to seeing you on the other side when it is my time to say goodbye.

With Love and Gratitude,
Anna


Leave a comment