I'm Anna, and I've always been able to see, hear, and feel the unseen world as a child, until I learned to block it out as a teenager when it got too overwhelming. I never really spoke about to anyone, out of fear of judgment and my need to fit into a normal life. I think there was a part of me that hoped this was all normal, and that's why no one really talked about it.
The gift that continued to stay with me throughout my life was in the form of precognitive dreams. I was always a vivid dreamer, and I relied on it to inform me of impending changes and actions I needed to take to prepare for it. I've also learned to go to sleep with an issue I haven't been able to solve in my waking life, and I would often wake up in the middle of the night with the answer I needed to solve it. It never struck me as odd, it was just a natural part of how I operated.
It wasn't until my healing journey that I've realized how I've lived most of my life in self-preservation mode, to survive the trauma of self abandonment stemming from an experience as a six-year-old child. I often mirrored myself to whoever I was interacting with in order to feel accepted, to behave in a way that conformed to their expectations. I was very emotionally detached and rarely got emotional, a way to protect myself and keep me focused on pursuit of perceived success. The work I've put in always seemed to materialize into realities I dreamed of, and all seemed to go as planned. And things seemed to manifest much quicker if I prayed about it as well, albeit I always saved those for special circumstances. The only thing I couldn't quite understand was why I never could connect on a deeper level with others, and there was always this sense of awkwardness when interacting with others and therefore even friendships often remained quite surface-level. I’ll be revisiting this topic in a future post, as this revelation about myself helped me understand what it was like to feel compassion towards myself for the first time in my life. It shifted everything about how I viewed myself, and it was a very important turning point in my healing and transformation.
It wasn't until May of 2014 when my life turned upside down with a horrific loss, that humbled me to a realization that my whole life was no longer in my control, and forces much larger than myself is putting into motion a series of life experiences that will cause enormous amount of pain.
But on the outside, I had a great life to be grateful for- a successful career as a compliance & risk mgmt executive in financial services, financial abundance, a loving marriage, and a persona exuding confidence that masked the depths of despair I so desperately wanted to hide and break free from. Truth is, I was never myself to anyone outside of my marriage. No one knew the real me besides my husband and my father, whom I lost to cancer in Jan 2016. His death was a major triggering point for me, when my empathic abilities exploded and I was overwhelmed with all these emotions and ability to feel into other people’s thoughts and intentions- I didn’t know what was happening to me. The two years following his death were my darkest years- a time period where I shifted from self preservation mode of which I’ve coped, to one of self sabotage which nearly destroyed me, my marriage, health, and possibly, my life.
It’s hard to believe that my life has shifted so drastically in the most unexpected ways in a year. In January 2019, I was suffering so deeply, and so desperately wanted to heal. I wanted to learn how to finally let go and be freed of the depths of darkness, grief, deteriorating health, and self sabotage I didn't know how to break free from. I no longer recognized the person staring back at me in the mirror, and I honestly wanted to just give up. It was a humbling experience to finally realize my tried and true methods of coping had reached its limits- and even after seeking traditional methods of healing, they too, failed to support me in ways I desperately needed. I felt so broken, so unworthy, and quite frankly, lost and alone.
Then it happened. In early March 2019, just after my third Reiki session and through the will of the spirit world, I experienced the most profound, confusing, and extraordinary shamanic spiritual awakening. There was a moment I thought I was going crazy, and someone said to me: “thinking you’re going crazy is the first sign you are not.” And as if the spirit world knew exactly how I was feeling, they've orchestrated a series of experiences that others around me even experienced, and with that, I realized I was in for an adventure of my life.
After being called to serve, I didn’t know where to turn or how to break the news to my husband and family members. I was scared, feared my husband would leave me, afraid of being judged, and most of all I didn’t know what all this meant for me and my life going forward. Would I need to walk away from the career/industry I worked so hard for 16+ years? How in the world could I learn what I need to learn to serve others in this capacity? Did I really have what it takes to do this work?
There’s so much to unpack, and I am finally ready to come out and share my story. I am humbled by the vastness of our existence and how unaware and naive I’ve been all my life. I’ve experienced profound love from the spirit realms in ways I cannot express, channeled healing energies that transformed many others in ways I cannot explain, and seen consequential nature of what can happen to those not abiding by the highest ethical standards in this line of work.
And I look forward to sharing them with you, and hope to engage with you in a meaningful way where we can all share and support one another- in a safe, sacred space.
Until next time, shine on ✨